|McCrae loves Jessica|
As we already knew, Amanda and McCrae broke up some time ago, but on Wednesday things got ugly when McCrae publicly professed his love for ex-girlfriend, Jessica, and his regrets for being involved with Amanda.
"I've been living a lie," McCrae's letter begins, "My days and nights are consumed with thinking about you and remembering all the times we spent together."
If you recall, last August while in the Big Brother 15 house, McCrae had a conversation with Andy about Jessica. It was the one time in the house we got to hear McCrae talk about his ex-girlfriend. Although the conversation was brief, many BB fans recognized right away that McCrae still had deep feelings for Jessica.
Those feelings have prevailed and McCrae is looking to repair and rekindle his relationship with Jessica, much to the chagrin of Amanda.
An excerpt from McCrae's letter:
I am writing this because I can't do it anymore. I'm living a lie. My days and nights are consumed with thinking about you and remembering all the times we spent together. Every song on the radio is another painful reminder of how I threw away the best thing I ever had all for the chance of winning some money. I now realize that I sacraficed one dream for the possibility of money, and I've never made such an awful decision. I threw away everything we ever had for the chance to win money. People ask me about my biggest regret in the game and I always answer some game related answer about I shoulda did this or I shoulda did that. What I always want to tell them though is that I regret throwing away the love I had with you, just to try to better myself in the game. Every day I feel more and more miserable thinking about you. I know what love is. I know that I love you. I used to say I loved one other person before you but I know now that the only person I've ever loved is you. I know I'm a piece of shit and I know how horrible I am and its something I'm going to have to live with forever. It kills me to know how much I hurt someone I love.
I keep trying to push it down and forget it but I can't, I'm still in love with you.
I know we have been through all this before and I know that I suck. But I learned something from big brother. I learned that money can't buy happiness. Even if I did win the game I would still be miserable without you. If I could go back and had a choice of dreams I wanted fufilled I would pick the dream of a future with you. I can't stop thinking about getting married to you and raising your babies. I'm miserable...
Read the letter in it's entirety here.
After posting the letter on Twitter, Amanda responded:
That was the letter that ended us. Thank you for sharing it with the world @mccraechum. I'm done for today. Enjoy the drama.
— Amanda Zuckerman (@AMANDAZUCKERMAN) March 26, 2014
Soon after, Russell and E.D. jumped on the Amanda train, offering to have a threesome with her.
If that isn't a herp/hepatitis milkshake waiting to happen...barf.
I've been away from BB this week, so I'm not sure if Jessica has responded to McCrae. If she has, she hasn't done so publicly. Good for her.